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How to Deal with Toxic People

Sometimes it takes a strong contrast in your life to realise what is actually the most important to you. How lucky to get that clarity, so use it to take action to create what you do want.

How to Deal with Toxic People 

If you’ve ever left a catch up feeling totally drained, or an interaction with a co-worker that left you feeling like you’ve just been sideswiped, or been friends with someone who never really has your back and only tries to bring you down? If so, you may have a toxic person in your life. They will drain your life energy and take up your time so you are left feeling empty. If you are feeling empty you won’t feel like you have your own energy for growth, and changing your life to be the way you truly want it. This person may only be toxic to you and it’s up to you to notice how you are feeling and take action.

Choose yourself first. Make a commitment to yourself that you will only keep people in your life that are worth your time and energy. Then start minimising and eliminating time you spend with the people who do not fill you up, or who do not hold the space of who you want to be. 

Mind your energy. You truly cannot change anyone other than yourself, and even then only true change comes about due to an internal shift or an external shift that helps support the internal shift. So as selfish as it sounds, you have to mind your own energyand time because those are your main currencies, and invest your time and energy into yourself and other people and places that support who you want to be and how you want to interact with the world. 

Disengage. If you still find yourself in a situation with a toxic person and you simply cannot get out of it for one reason or another, do your best to minimise the exchange of energy. Position yourself so you are not directly in front of them, look away, avoid eye contact even if that means looking just past them. Only text, and snooze them from your socials. Try to reduce the engagement of your senses as much as you can. Purposely make the interaction short. 

You may start to realise that it’s actually someone that you have been friends with for a long time, or it could be a co-worker that you used to love. It could even be someone who isn’t negative but still leaves you feeling drained. If you are close enough to them and you think they may respond well, you could address their behaviour and how it is having an impact on you. There is a possibility that they may not even realise they are being that way. If it’s someone that you are certain is just a spewing hateful person, don’t even give them a second thought, leave the situation. 

Sometimes it takes a strong contrast in your life experience to realise what is actually the most important to you. How lucky to get that clarity, so use it to take action to create what you do want.

Thank the situation. It may feel challenging in the moment, and it’s important to thank yourself for taking the action. You are choosing to value yourself and becoming more aware of what you want in your life. By letting go of what isn’t working in your life, you open yourself up to more of what does work for you. Being grateful for the experience helps you feel more empowered as you move forward.

Action Steps: 

  1. Acknowledge that your energy and well being is important
  2. Reduce and Eliminate Contact with the situation/person that feels toxic 
  3. Minimise the engagement of your attention, and senses if you have to still have to be in contact
  4. Be thankful for the situation and becoming more aware of what you do want in your life.

It’s the small steps that will create the biggest change. Set your standards high for the people you interact with and hold yourself to it. Life will only get better from there.

How to Deal with Anxiety

You can feel the anxiety start to rise, and it’s up to you to break the habit pattern and choose something else. 

Here are some steps that to use when overwhelm and anxiety starts creeping in: 

Get out of the situation: Take some time on your own so you can anchor into the present.

Breath. Take some deep breaths

Sit: Sit and feel the floor under your feet, the weight of your body on the chair, the air on your skin. 

Listen: Listen to all the sounds nearby, taking in the surrounding present area. 

Remind Yourself of the Present Moment: Remind yourself “I am [your name], it is 2020, I am [x} years old, I am safe.” 

Find Gratitude: Find and name things you are grateful for. Even better if you choose one thing and go deeper with why you are grateful for it. The key is to lean into the good feeling and expand it. 

The more you interrupt the pattern of anxiety the easier it will be to override it in the future. Eventually as you continue to anchor into the present moment when you feel the anxiety rising, it will be easier for you to stay present and not get overwhelmed. Repeat this process as often as needed. 

Action Steps:

  1. Take a Moment by Yourself.
  2. Take Deep Breaths.
  3. Anchor Into the Present with Your Senses. 
  4. Remind Yourself Who You Are and In the Present Moment.
  5. Find Something to be Grateful for and Expand into that Feeling.

How to Deal with Physical Pain

How to Deal with Physical Pain 

I write this post with the utmost respect for the journey you are on. These are some things that I do and have done when dealing with physical pain and I hope they may help you too.

Self Love and Self Nurture Yourself: Have compassion for what you are going through, and do all the things that make you feel better. 

Get Dressed: Just getting in the shower and getting ready for the day can transform the way you feel. 

Creating the Vision of who I will be in the future: Don’t compare with who you used to be or how you have been in the past. Create a vision of who you will be in the future based on where you are now.  

Do daily things to support the person you want to be, even if in small steps, small moments, create the motion. 

Celebrate what you can do: Focus on what you are able to do so that you train your mind into seeing what is possible not what may be seen as a limitation.  

Celebrate the Small Wins: Celebrate every time you are able to do something, anything. It will make room for feeling more empowered with your life and help create momentum. 

Mental Mindfulness: Only let in media, words, images that help support you and help you to feel better.

Thank the Pain for all the lessons: Look for the growth, look for the lessons, create a more empowered approach to the pain. 

Decide to move on, don’t let it define you. 

How to Deal with Emotional Pain

I was asked how I deal with painful things and I decided to break the topic into two pieces. This is the first part of how to deal with emotional pain, and the second part is how to deal with physical pain.

Emotional Pain can be debilitating and make you want to curl up and shut everyone out. Emotional Pain can make you stop in your tracks and not move forward in life the way that you want. Emotional Pain can also be used as a tool for growth, and that is the route I take and am sharing with you.

It would be amazing if every day we had sunshine and rainbows. Where you felt great, people kept promises, and life just moved along gracefully. The thing is that rainbows come with the rain and it’s that emotional rain that makes everything blossom. 

Here are some steps that to use when dealing with painful emotions in life: 

Feel the Feelings: Don’t try and suppress or ignore the feelings. Feel the feelings in all their intensity. Let them free, release them. 

Ask to Let Go: Ask yourself “Am I ready to let go of these painful feelings now?” if your immediate gut reaction is no, then ask “Am I ready to let go of these painful feelings in one minute?”. If your immediate gut reaction is no, then ask “Am I ready to let go of these painful feelings in ten minutes?” If your immediate gut reaction is no, then ask “Am I ready to let go of these painful feelings in one hour?”. If your immediate gut reaction is no, then ask “Am I ready to let go of these painful feelings in one day?”. Find the timeframe that works best for you and continue coming back to feeling the feelings and then asking if you are ready to let go until you are ready. 

Decide to Feel Better: When you are ready to let go of the painful feelings, make the conscious choice that you want to feel something other than pain. Declare that you want to be open to happiness, or joy, or hopefulness. Write it down your declaration in a journal. “I am open to feeling happiness”, “I am ready for change”, “Please clearly show me the easiest path forward”, “I promise to take the steps to feel better”, “I am getting better and becoming more of who I really am in every moment”. Keep the journal or piece of paper in a place you can regularly see it as a reminder.

Create Motion: In some way, it’s absolutely essential that you create some kind of motion in your life once you declare that you want to feel something new. This can be stretching and deep breathing. This can be letting out emotions in art, even if you feel like you’ve never been “good” at art, give it a try and allow yourself the pleasure of just playing with paint, or colour, or texture, or sounds, just do it. Go for a walk, even if it’s just down the block, or if you are keen go for a run. Turn the music up and dance, even if it’s for one song. The key is to create some kind of motion to get you started in the direction of change. 

Find the Good: There are always silver linings, there is always something to be learned in a life experience, there is always an opportunity for growth that is found in painful experiences, so look for it. The key here is to flip the feeling of disempowered, to feeling empowered in some way. Maybe the painful feelings helped you to learn about boundaries, or how resilient you are, or how your gut instinct is right, or that you are stronger than you’ve ever given yourself credit. Find the good and hold  on so that if the painful emotions rise again, you anchor back into a more empowered approach.

Do Something for Others: By using the energy and strength you have, use it to do something good for someone else. It is a win-win because you will be helping someone who needs help and it feels great to help. Helping others gets you out of your own head and into the space of being of service to a high good, a higher purpose and connects you back into the world that needs you to be present.

Action Steps:

  1. Feel the Feelings
  2. Ask to Let Go
  3. Decide to Feel Different
  4. Create Movement
  5. Find the Good 
  6. Do Something for Others

Repeat this process as often as you need to create the new habit of transforming the painful emotions into fuel for you to find strength and to help others in the process.  

All Love

There are free hotlines to call if you need to talk to someone:
Australia: Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636; Lifeline 13 11 14

USA: The Samaritans 1 (877) 870-4673 (HOPE)
UK: Samaritans 116 123

I’m Showing Up

I’m doing it. I’m showing up as who I want to be in the world.

I’m committed to helping others create their lives on purpose as well. If you have a question that you want me to answer, send it my way.

What kind of life do you want to create on purpose this year, this decade? How are you going to show up?

Self Love: Showering Love

Self Love: Showering the body with love During a shower 🙂

So under normal circumstances I am the queen of quick showers, in and out with everything needing to be done in about 3 minutes or so. Unless I have to wash my hair, which happens about once a week, so I then end up taking what feels like an extraordinarily long time. When these long showers happen I take the opportunity to really show love to my body, my hair, all of myself. I gently oil up every part of my body (I use a shower body oil most of the time except in the high heat of summer), and with each part of my body I feel it, and just send love and adoration from my scalp to my toes. How glorious it is to have such a strong body to stand up in the shower, to have arms that can reach, and hands that can feel, a belly that grows humans, and breasts that can feed. How amazing is this human body that I get to hang out in, so capable for anything that comes along in life. 

My shower love is actually based on a tip from a woman who I went skinny dipping with. She said when she had lived full time in Byron Bay that she had major body issues, and it wasn’t until returning years later (on the visit I met her) she could actually enjoy it because she was finally comfortable and at ease in her own body. She said EVERY time she took a shower she said “I LOVE YOU” all up and down her body. The interesting thing is that this woman was absolutely gorgeous – petite, slender, tanned blonde Italian who looked about 15 years younger than her actual age, and just had a great vibe about her. 

Anyway, taking the time to slow it down, use nice products for my skin, and show love to each part, and perhaps say “I love you” at each stop along the way. Self Love Shower Style <3

It’s All Love <3

Self Love Intention

Self Love: 

As I was wrapping up my intentional 10 day happiness journey, I realised how much I enjoy sharing that I wanted to keep going. This time though, I want to share about self love rituals that I have done, and do regularly. 

Self Love to me is all about honouring and enjoying all that I am in any given moment. Sometimes that means giving myself directed TLC, and sometimes it’s just building in nice habits/practices for myself. 

Tonight as I was massaging my face with some lovely nurturing oil that I used to use on my belly when I was pregnant, it dawned on me that this is one that I used to do and have gotten back into. 

After I wash my face, I then look at myself in the mirror and just say nice things to myself while I massage the oil into my face. It smells divine, it feels so luxurious, and after a few minutes, I’m full of love. 

I will expand more on self love practices that involve the mirror later, as I have done them hundreds of times over the years. So I’ll just leave this one… making the routine just a bit nicer by adding in massage, and talking sweetly to myself. 🙂

“I love you” 🙂 <3

Journaling Happiness

Another loving practice I’ve been doing every single night for almost the past two months is taking time to write about all the good in my life. 

It’s a mixture of a gratitude journal and a diary and it expands the feelings of joy and happiness from my day. I wrote one page, and if I’m really feeling the extra goodness still, I write another. 🙂

I think in one way or another I’ve kind of kept a journal loosely like this on and off since I was 18. It wasn’t until later that I was using it intentionally as a form of written goodness to reflect upon. 

There is so much to be appreciative about in life including being healthy! Or like right now hearing the symphony of insects starting up for the evening, or how awesome it is that the weather is just right for sitting outside. There are so many things if we look for them and I’m always open to the good life. ❤️

It’s all love <3

Happiness as Self Growth

Happiness in the form of self growth. Day 10

For me, if I feel like I’m growing, I feel like my life is on track. I’m happy with who I am and I also like to stretch myself to see what I am able to achieve and be in the world. I have so much faith that my already great life will continue to get better and better. 🙂 So I do what I can to prepare myself. 🙂 I write this in a confident way because I’m not into self depreciation, it doesn’t feel good to me in particular and I’m really trying my best to own who I am in all aspects of my life, including here on social media with my mixture of family, and friends from so many different stages of my life. 

Doing this 10 day happiness journey has been about growth for me. It has shown me that I’m pretty solid in my own life happiness of recognising it and building it into my own life. It took a lot of courage to share this journey so openly. I feel like when I started this on day 1, I was so excited because I know how powerful this can be that I wanted everyone to join in and come along for the expansion. Perhaps a part of me also wanted to share because then it wouldn’t only be me doing it. It’s a thing I’ve been moving past where I want the recognition yet when it happens I then have shied away from it in the past. I have so many gifts to share and I must be able to stand in my own light in order to share them freely. 

As the days went on I felt more secure in my sharing and understood again that we all have our own paths and we all choose how we do them, and that made me happy. 🙂 I love choice, I love options, and I love that change is available in every moment. 

This is wrapping up my intentional 10 day happiness journey and it feels good – it’s all felt really good. Truly even one extra moment of feeling good, feeling better can make a big difference. We are all so lucky to get to live right now in time and I want to know experience it as best as I can, and I hope you might want that too. ❤️

This picture is of a dragonfly who decided to land and transition on the dash above my steering wheel. I consider it to be a very good omen. 

Here’s to recognising and feeling happiness! Here’s to sharing that happiness! Here’s to growth! 

It’s all love <3

Happiness in Watching Others Grow

Happiness is watching others develop and grow. 

Witnessing others on their life path, living their best life, always fills me with an intense happiness. I love when people find their stride and go for it. I love seeing the people I love growing and becoming more of who they are. This applies to friends, families, even strangers if I engage with their story. 

Baby Aristotle has mastered rolling over from back to front. He’s been able to roll from front to back since just after birth, and now at 4.5 months he can do both!! How awesome it is to see this little person whom I love so dearly learn how to use his body. He’s also using his voice a lot lately and hearing what sounds he can make. Watching your children develop truly one of the incredible gifts of parenthood. 

Abraham is now into a building and survival game called Minecraft which is helping him to develop strategy and creativity in another way. He is in love with all of the possibilities that are present in this game and it’s awesome to see him so excited about it. Seeing Abe happy makes me very happy. 

This post is a part of my 10 day happiness adventure where I recognise, capture, and share happiness. Everyone is invited along, and even just one additional moment thinking about happiness can make a huge difference.